Whose line POTC style!
by Snowpixie81
Summary: What the title says. It's whose line is it anyway, with the cast from Pirates of the Caribbean. Should be enjoyable, watching your favorite characters playing the game. Please R & R.
1. Let's Make a Date

All right folks. Enjoy reading the little fic I wrote. Don't forget to review, please.

Warnings: Not much, just language.

Italics represent actions.

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Chapter 1. Let's make a Date.

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Within the sound of applause, a fat man is seen standing in the midst of audience.

"Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen, and welcome to another edition of 'Whose Line is it Anyway'."

More loud applause.

"Today we have some very special guests joining us. First up, he's debonaire, he's pirate extrodinaire, and he's often seen guzzling down extensive amount of rum, he's Jack Sparrow."

Camera shot to Jack Sparrow, who's leaning on the arm of the chair, all his hair trinkets and beads in place, the tricorn hat perched on head and his gun strapped on his side. He looks at the camera and gives a dazzling, gold-toothed smile.

"It's 'Captain' Jack Sparrow, Love."

The audience goes wild, particularly the female portion of the audience.

Back to the fat guy with the mic.

"Uh huh, sure. Next up we have a blacksmith gone pirate. He's a major heart-throb, or so I've been told. He claims that wearing a pink handkerchief around his neck doesn't make him any less manly than Jack Sparrow himself, (shot to Jack, where he's seen filing his fingernails and looking at them this way and that. At the mention of his name, he looks up and says 'What?'). He's Will Turner."

Camera shot on Will Turner who is wearing his piratey clothes that he was wearing on the Interceptor. He's trying desperately to loose the knot of the pink cloth wrapped around his neck. He looks up and smiles nervously at the camera. The audience goes wild again, ladies getting crazier this time around and screaming 'We love you Will'.

The host looks up at the heavens and mutters.

"Oh God, why me?"

He then notices its his cue again.

"Next we have a man who's a smooth talker, wears different wigs to match his age and is into girls way younger than himself, (the host whispers off on the side "Hey, I didn't know we had R Kelly coming on the show today......oh, it's not him" ), he's Commodore Norrington."

The audience is completely silent. A guy coughs in the back. A loud cricket's chirp is heard. Norrington is seen with an obviously fake smile plastered to his face.

"And last but certainly not least, we have Ryan Styles."

Camera shot to Ryan sitting prepared for a wisecrack from his boss. At the lack of one, he looks up and says,

"What? No comment Drew?"

"Naaahhh! I'm getting tired of standing here. All right everyone, let's have some fun!"

Their over-weight host ran down the stairs towards the stage, and people at the end of the rows recoiled back in fear, lest he should trip and fall on them. But, as he had done this quiet a few times before, he went down safely and took his seat behind the podium.

"All right then." Said Drew Carey. "We have a very peculiar cast here today. And no Mr. Sparrow, no matter how many times you ask, I will not pay you in gold. I will write you a check, just like everyone else."

Jack, who had opened his mouth to say something, refrained from commenting and sat back.

"Hey Drew, Why the hell am I here?" Asked Ryan. "I thought it would be an all out POTC cast."

Drew shrugged.

"Eh. It was something about the author liking you too much to replace you with someone else."

"Oh." Ryan gave a smug smile in Jack and Will's direction. "All right then."

Will and Jack's eyes narrowed as they glared at him.

"Well okay. Lets go on to a game called 'Let's make a Date'." Drew said hurriedly, before a riot could break out this early in the show. "We'll have Will asking James, Jack and Ryan questions to figure out who they are supposed to be."

As Drew gave instructions, all four of them had stood up and went to their respective stools. The three bachelors picked up their cards and proceeded to read what was in store for them.

James: "A teenage girl who thinks Will is actually Legolas, and is completely in love with him." _He's seen shaking his head in disgust_.

Jack: "Elizabeth, who is determined to have Will stay with her, even though she knows he's really a pirate at heart." _His eyes have gone wide, and his tanned skin has a greenish palor to it._

Ryan: "A pirate on Jack's crew, and is trying to think of ways to maroon Jack again."

Drew: "All right guys, let's get this show on the road. Will, whenever you're ready, take it away."

Will sat up in his seat and cleared his throat.

Will: "Bachelor #1. I love visiting exotic places. If we were to go away, where would you take me?"

James: _jumps up and down in his seat and fans his face with his hands _"Oh my God, totally, no way._ high voice_ If we were together, I would soooo take you to the the jungles of Amazon, where we could pick wild flowers and I can put them in your long blonde hair. _sighs dramatically_

Will gave James a weird expression and touched his hair. He then shrugged.

Will: "Bacherlor #2. I love a man who can cook for me. What kind of food would you make for me for our first date?"

Jack: _in a high falsetto voice_ Well, I know what I would never serve you in a million years. Rum. The vile drink that can make a man forget his place. Burn it all to hell I say. I know, I would make you a nice, juicy beef steak, something that you can never have on a life on ship. It will be served with mashed potatoes and boiled vegetables, and we'll have wine of course. None of that stuff they serve you if you were on a ship. Blurgh. Who needs that? _He then swoons and tilts back_ Oh my, this dress is a little too tight on the chest. And since I'm too much of an airhead to have figured that out when I put it on, I must faint now and cause a scene _he falls backwards off his chair_.

Will had gone wide-eyed.

Will: "Right."

James: "Oh my Gosh, somebody call 911 or something."

Will: "Bachelor #3."

Ryan: "Aye." _his eyes shift around and he's sitting at the edge of his stool_

Will: "Well, since we have covered location and food, what kind of entertainment would we have on our date?"

Ryan: _talking in a gruff voice_ Well lassie, we'll have moonlight dancing on the helm. We'll go to any first class whore-house that you want. And we'll have plenty of rum. That is, if there would be any left over from our lazy, good-for-nothing captain. Oh, and also, we'll pillage and plunder and take as much booty as we can. Arrr."

Drew spat out his coffee and nearly choked while laughing hysterically.

Jack had sat back up by then and was fanning himself with his hat.

Will: "Bachelor #1. We are walking hand-in-hand down a darkened alleyway, when two men jump out at us with knives. How would you save me?"

James: _in the same high voice_ Well, first I would scream at the top of my lungs, and then I would try to scratch their eyes out. And then I would run behind you and hang on to your tunic, because I know that you'll take care of them with your arrows. _bats eyeslashes_.

Will discreetly moved his stool as far from James as he could.

Will: "Bachelor # 2. Same question."

Jack: _puts his nose high in the air_ Hn. As if I would ever dirty my hands trying to save you from the filthy men. I will have my father take care of them. And if no help shows up, then I'll just leave them to you. Since I know that you practice with the sword three hours a day. And I do hope that it's an actual sword, and not the proverbial sword that every other teenage boy seems to be practicing with."

Drew spat out his coffee again and had to beat himself on the chest, while laughing like a madman.

Will's face had now gone scarlet.

Will: "Right. Bachelor # 3. If I was a flavor of ice cream, how would you describe me?"

Ryan: _whispering on the side_ "Yeah, that's right. Let's do it tonight when he's stone drunk and can't tell one whore from another." _straightens up_ "Oh yeah. I would say you're rich, and tasty, melts in your mouth not in your hand, oh wait, that's m-n-m's. Umm, what else, yeah, rich double fudge chocolate that I would want to take all for myself, and never share with the captain. Stares hard at Jack Never ever."

Drew: "Well Will. Can you guess who they are by now?"

Will: "O.k. bachelor # 1 thinks that I'm Legalos from the Lord of the Rings movie."

Audience cheer wildly.

Drew: "Yeah, close enough. He's actually a teenage girl who's in love with Legolas."

Will: "Oh right." _nods head._

James got up and went back to his seat.

Will: "O.K Bachelor #2 is Elizabeth who really really hates Jack." audience go wild again "Oh, and also she has a very sick mind."

Jack gave a huge smile and went back to his seat.

Will: "And bachelor # 3 is a pirate, who is thinking about committing mutiny against Jack."

The applause levels goes through the roof.

Ryan gave everyone an elaborate bow before going back to his seat, followed by Will.

Will: "That was a very accurate expression of Elizabeth, Jack. Didn't know you had it in you."

Jack gave another large smile.

Drew: "Yeah. A thousand points to Jack for swooning like that, and reminding us how dumb blondes really are."

The audience boo and hiss.

Ryan: "Hey Drew. Hadn't you dyed your hair blonde once?"

Drew coughs and splatters.

Drew: "That's besides the point. Anyway folks, we are going to take a short break and we'll be right back bringing you more fun and games."

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TBC.

Author's notes: Hopefully you likey . I had fun writing it. By the way, the next episdoe is called "Scenes from a Hat". So, you want to see it up here, you gotta review and tell me your thoughts.

Yue: (he's from the fandom Card Captor Sakura) "Yeah, this is all fun and dandy, but when are you going to update your other fics?"

Bunny: _gulp_

Shuichi: (from Gravitation) "Yeah, and how about my fic? You have left it at a very critical part."

_Sounds of running footsteps, then a door opens and slams shut, as the sounds of running steps fade away._

Shuichi: "Well folks I think we've lost her. But don't worry, my buddy Yue here will find her. _Yue is glaring menacingly behind him, and cracking his knuckles_ Anyway, in the meantime, why don't you review and leave a few words for her sorry ass._ to Yue_ Let's go Yue, it's hunting season, and we are hunting bunnies."

Both of them disappear.

Bunny: _peeking from a corner_ "Please leave a review, and I'll update as soon as I can."

Shuichi: Ah hah. Gotcha.

_Bunny chan runs away screaming._

"See you next tiiiiiimmmmmmeeeeee!!!!"


	2. Scenes from a Hat

First of all, I want to thank each and every one of you who took their precious time out to not only read my fic, but also commented on it. Thank……thank..th…waaaahhhhhh! _breaks down in helpless tears._

Word of warning. Slashy themes ahead. Nothing too serious. Oh and a bit of language.

Disclaimer: (forgot to do it last time _sheepish smile_) It all belongs to Disney. None of it is mine, except for my own imagination.

Whose line is it anyway?

Chapter 2. Scenes from a Hat.

"All right ladies and gentlemen, we're back after an exceedingly long break." Says Drew Carey.

Camera shot at the four contestants sitting patiently. James and Ryan are looking bored.

Jack is seen holding a glass with clear liquid in front of him. He is swirling it this way and that.

"Seriously Will, what is this thing? I have never seen something like this before. And they expect us to drink it."

Will has an incredulous look on his face.

"It's water, Jack. You probably don't recognize it since the only drink you put in your system is rum, but people still enjoy the refreshing taste of nice, simple cold glass of water."

Jack gives a shiver.

"Brrr. I can't imagine."

He gives the glass a disdainful look and places it on the table next to him.

"Hey Drew, do you have anything with a spot of alcohol in it?" Jack calls out.

"Ummm, Mr. Sparrow, didn't you have a whole bottle of Captain Morgan's(1) right before the show?" Asks Drew, apprehensively.

"Ahhh Mate, that was a whole half hour ago. Me blood is quenching for the heavenly taste of rum. If I don't listen to me craving, I might start to lose it soon."

"Heh. 'start to'." Ryan quips from the side.

Jack gives a narrow-eyed stare in Ryan's direction, while Will moves his chair away discreetly.

"Ahhh, all right. Let's give the audience what they came here for." Drew interjects quickly, before there could be any bloodshed. "Let's move on to a game called scenes from a hat. Before the show, we asked the audience to write down their suggestions for the scenes, and we chose the best ones for our players to act out."

While Drew is explaining, all four of them have gotten up and are standing on the sides of the stage. Will and Jack on the left, and James and Ryan on the right.

Drew shuffles the papers in the hat.

"And remember everybody, we kept the theme of our scenes in accordance with our guest cast. So all the scenes would have something to do with Pirates of the Caribbean."

Ryan raises his eyebrows. Jack has a manic smile on his face, while both Will and James groan and rub hands over their eyes.

"All right, here's the first scene...

"The sequel to the Pirates of the Caribbean"

Jack: "Pirates of the Caribbean: The revenge of Captain Jack Sparrow" Shoots with his pistol.

"Try to steal my ship will you. You're dead, Mr. Gibbs. Boom!"

"You're not hanging anybody today Norrington. (slashes his sword through an invisible stomach)"

"So you wanna be named Jack, do you? (throttles a tiny invisible monkey)"

"Burn my rum again, why don't you? Die Elizabeth. DIE! (insane hand movements that could be called punches, kicks, slaps, pulling of the hair and whatnot)"

"For the love of GOD ring the fucking buzzer"

Will screams out loud, and a stunned Drew quickly hits the buzzer. Ten times.

Jack smiles at the audience, as if he hadn't just displayed psychotic and manic-depressive behavior, and went back to his spot.

James gives a nod to Will and they both come in the middle.

James: "Pirates of the Caribbean: The misadventures of Captain Jack Sparrow"

Will: (Pretending to be Jack, sways over to James) "Michelle, my love."

James: (Pretends to slap Will)

Will: "I'm not sure I deserved that."

(Will sways with an invisible bottle of rum, takes some drinks, and sways some more)

Will: "Oh boo hoo. They stole my Black Pearl again. Let me go and find that Will Turner so I can trick him into going after the pearl again. And let me make sure that I will not let him in on my plans, right up to the last minute, even if they could save his life and keep him from going insane. And in the end, I will turn the damsel down, because I really don't think I'm into girls all that much anyway. Why don't I try and make a play for that young Mr. Tur..."

:Buzz! Buzz! Buzz:

Will suddenly realizes he's on national television. He blinks his eyes, smiles sheepishly at the camera and goes back to his spot.

"You have some deep-rooted emotional issues, luv'." Jack said to Will, and was answered with a glare.

Drew: "Next scence. 'What the audience is thinking right now?' "

Ryan steps down.

Ryan: (tapping his chin) "Hmm, out of all those looney tunes out there, Ryan is the only sane one. I hope abc build's a show around only him next fall (3)."

:Buzz:

Jack steps down next.

Jack: "I wonder if Jack Sparrow will take off his shirt so we can see all his cool tattoos." (moves his hands to the front of his shirt)

:Buzz:Buzz:Buzz:

Drew: "All right. Let's move on to the next scene. 'If Jack Sparrow did Dear Abby column for newspaper'."

Will steps down.

Will: (pretends to write) "Dear Jack. I think my wife is cheating on me with another man. What should I do?" (As Jack) "Well luv, first thing you need is rum. Lots and lots of rum. Secondly, you need to confront you wife mate. Ask her that if she is going to cheat on you, at least do it with another woman. (Leery Jack-like smile) And if she still continues to sleep with the other guy, then ask her if you can join in. It's always more fun that way." (winks at the camera)

:Buzz:

Jack: "You seem to be paying a lot of attention to my sexual preferance, Will me lad. Is there something you want to tell me?" (wriggles his eyebrows)

Will: "Shut up, Jack" (mega blush)

Ryan steps down to the middle of the stage.

Ryan: (writing in the air) "Dear Jack, you have to help me, I think I'm going insane. I have been feeling the strangest urge to be nice all of a sudden.(twists his mouth at the word 'nice') I have absolutely no desire to attack merchant ships, rob innocent people, go on raids, or go to a whorehouse. And that's not even the worst of it. I have not been craving rum 24/7 like I used to. I have been having the strangest feelings of settling down with a wife and 2.5 kids, to own a nice home with a front garden and a back yard, and to hold a respectable job. Help me Jack Sparrow! HEELLLPPP!"

(As Jack, swaying his body this way and that) "Oh son, your troubles are very dire. What you need to do is find some small kids and steal their toys or candy. That way, when they cry and throw a fit in front of you, you'll know how scary having kids is. Secondly, find a cute, adorable puppy and drown it in the ocean. That will rid you of your desire for a domestic life. Thirdly, if you want a wife, just go to Governor Swan's mansion and see how Elizabeth is living her life. It's always give me this, buy me that, do this for me, blah blah, whine, whine, whine. And if above all fails, then simply sing the song 'A pirates life for me' continuously, over and over, until it gets stuck in your head. Because if that doesn't drive you insane than I don't know what will."

:Buzz:

Jack glared at Ryan.

Jack: "Regardless of what you may have heard, I do not kill puppies nor do I take candies from babies. Oh and also, I am not insane, I just happen to like the song."

Will petted Jack on the head.

Will: "There there Jack, don't be upset."

Drew: "Next scene: If Ryan Styles had a role in the movies, what will it be?"

Ryan nodded to Jack, and they both moved to the center of the stage. Jack staggered over to Ryan.

Jack: "Ryan! Darling. (Ryan slaps Jack across the face. Jack looks backwards to Will) I think I deserved that."

Ryan: (One hand on the hip, and with the other, shaking a finger at Jack) "How dare you leave without saying goodbye. I may be a whore, but I'm a very expensive whore. If you keep that up, I will never allow you to pillage and plunder me again."

Audience laugh, and a few blow loud whistles.

Drew: (Laughing hysterically) "You think that's the best part there is for you?"

Jack: "Hey mate, it's either this or Barbossa's cabin boy. And you have no idea what Barbossa could make you do."

All contestants plus Drew go quiet for a few seconds, then they all give a combined shudder. All the audience get the mental picture and give a shudder as well.

Will: "The mere thought of that is going to haunt me in my nightmares."

Drew: "All right then, moving on: What the cast would be saying to their therapists after the show?"

Ryan steps down on the stage.

Ryan: "I believe I was the only sane one present on the show. Well, except for the Captain Lame-o there (gestures towards Norrington). I thought the whole thing was a crazy idea to begin with. And I don't think I could ever forget the sight of Drew being brutally murdered after the show. Why Drew, Why couldn't you just give Jack Sparrow some rum? All the crazy, fan girls stampeding Drew down after the show, holding up picket signs that read "We Love Jack" and "Jack+RumHappiness"; is a sight very hard to forget. Poor poor Drew."

Drew buzzes him out. Ryan walks back to his spot and Jack gives him a wide grin.

Jack: "Thank you for that Mr. Styles."

He says with a flourish.

Ryan: "Hey if worse comes to worse, don't forget who your friends are."

He says with a smile and a wink.

Norrington steps out on the stage.

Norrington: "I think that all of them misunderstood me gravely. They all thought that since I didn't see a lot of action in the movie, (Jack gives a loud cough that sounds suspiciously like 'or booty', Norrington ignores him), that I was a very calm, controlled or how some would say (he glares at Ryan) boring. But I had them all fooled. That had all apparently forgotten that I was Commodore Norrington, and I had complete access to unimaginable fire power. They never even suspected a thing that all their chairs were lined with highly explosive devices, and that Mr. Carey was sitting on the mack-daddy of them all (3). It was all a matter of time. How many times would he ring the buzzer. Fifteen times, twenty times. Even I had forgotten after which buzz would all the bombs go off."

:B...Buzz...Buzzzzzz:

Drew: "Well, that was interesting."

Norrington: (smiling at Drew) "All in good fun, Mr. Carey."

Drew: "All right lets move on. (takes out a paper) What kind of merchandise would the movie sell?"

Jack steps down. He pretends to hold a bottle.

Jack: "This just in. The newest flavor on the market. Forget all the other junk you've been drinking. One sip of Captain Sparrow's Rum and you would be in seventh heaven. It's a great new product with a great new taste, and it is cheap as well. So even if you are a drunken hobo, or just plain deadbeat, you can easily afford it. Just bring 10 of Cortez' cursed gold coins to your nearest liquor store and share in it's goodness. Hurry while supplies last."

Will: (In a monotone voice) "Jack selling rum, what a great surprise there."

Jack gives him a smile.

"And what would you be selling mate? A book on suppressed sexual desires?"

Will is left staring at Jack with his mouth wide open.

Ryan steps down.

"Yes. This is time. Now all your dreams can come true. Buy it today. (Flips a hand through his hair) A wig to show your age. So you say you're 50 years old, but don't want to show it. Purchase a black curly wig. Hey you young lads, want to appear sophisticated in front of your lady love. Impress her with your age and wisdom with this beautiful, white powdered wig."

:Buzz:Buzzzzz:

All four of the contestants go back to their seats.

Drew: "All right ladies and gentlemen, we are going to take a 'short' break now. (glares at the author. Snowpixie gulps) And we'll be back shortly to bring you more fun and games."

He throws the hat at the camera and successfully knocks it onto Snowpixie's head. She falls down in a faint.

Drew: "Well, we'll try to revive her so she can continue with this mockery of a fic. Until next time."

TBC.

Oh, explanation of the numbers.

1. Captain Morgan's Rum is the only one that I know of, since I'm not much of a drinker anyway.

2. abc build a show around Ryan Styles, that's actually one of my fantasies. They don't do him any justice on the Drew Carey Show.

3. Imagine Norrington saying the words "mack daddy". Oh my God muahahahahahahahahaaaaa _dies laughing_

Don't forget to review and by the way, next chapter is "World worst dating videos"


	3. World's Worst Dating Videos

**WARNING:** Slashy themes ahead. Bad language, read at your own risk.

World's Worst Dating Videos.

Drew: "All right ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome back to whose line is it anyway, where the games are improvised and the points don't matter. Yes, that's right, the points are just like the extras on Pirates of the Caribbean, they just don't matter.

"We are going to continue with the fun. Next we'll play a game called 'World's Worst Dating Videos', with Jack and Will, and Ryan and Norrington."

The contestants get up and receive two boxes from Drew, containing the hats. Two stools have already been placed in the center of the stage.

Ryan:_ **wearing a Captain's hat and an eye patch** _"Aaarrrrghhh, me darlin'. What say you we get together and we can visit me ship and you can help me raise my jolly roger."

:Buzz:

Jack: **_wearing his own hat tilted over his left eye, and his elbow propped on his knee _**"That's right ladies and gentlemen. It doesn't get any better than this. One night with Captain Jack Sparrow is all you need to make your wildest dreams come true. Just make sure that there is absolutely no rum involved. Otherwise I would get up next morning not remembering the events of the previous night, and wondering how I ended up in a bed with a very prissy bedmate, whom I made hot monkey love to all night long."

Will: **_Coughcough_**

:Buzzzz:

Drew: "All right, which one of you idiots put Mr. Sparrow's hat in the box?"

Random guy from the back: "He brought it along with him sir."

Drew: "Oh, o.k. then."

Norrington: **_wearing a baseball hat_** "How would you like to hit my balls out of the park?" (winks and blows kisses to the camera, then gets up and does a pelvic thrust)

Will, Jack, Ryan, Drew: **_Wide-eyed shocked faces_**

Jack: "That is just NOT right mate."

Will: **_scratching furiously at his face_ **"My eyes! My eyes! They have been seriously violated!"

:Buzz:

Will**_: wearing a nurse's hat and holding a large needle. In a cute voice _**"If you'll go out with me, I'll fill you up with my shot, and it will be virtually painless."

Ryan: "Oooohhh, that one was dirty."

Jack: **_throws an arm around Will's shoulder_ **"You're learning, luv'."

Ryan: **_wearing a white, powdered wig_** "Yes ladies, I know what you're wondering. Is this really my natural hair color? Well, if you want proof, I'll give it to you right now." **_Unzips zipper_**

:Buzz:Buzz:Buzz:

Jack: **_wearing a beret_** "If you go out with me, I shall paint you like a masterpiece. I shall require a bottle of rum, three paint brushes, five leeches, one bowl of pudding, one large cactus from the Sahara desert and my sword. See, what I'll do is……."

:Buzz:

Drew: "That is something we don't want a mental image on. Thank you Mr. Sparrow."

Jack: **_smiles insanely and steps off_**

Norrington: **_wearing a chef's hat_** "How's about you and I get together and we cook up something spicy?"

:Buzz:

Jack: _**whispering in Will's ear** _"Yeah, I'll bet his definition of spicy is giving the lass a kiss on the cheek and then offering her a cinnamon breath mint."

Will: **_snickers_**

Will: **_wearing a red bandana_** "We pillage, we plunder, we're really bad eggs, drink up me hearties, yo ho! Yo ho, yo ho a pirate's life for me."

:Buzz:

Drew: "Just out of curiosity, Mr. Turner, who were you supposed to be, anyway?"

Will: "A really annoying pirate."

Jack: **_coughcough_**

Ryan: **_sitting on the stool with a top hat placed in his lap_** "Would you ladies like me to take out my bunny?" **_slowly starts to lift the hat_**

:Buzz:Buzz:Buzzzz:

Drew: "Believe me Ryan, we do not want to see that!"

Ryan: _**bring out a stuffed rabbit from the hat** _"Geez Drew, what were you thinking? You've got a very filthy mind."

Jack: **_wearing a policeman's cap_** "You're under arrest for stealing my heart."

Ryan: "Oh no, way too lame."

Jack: "Yeah, you're right." Places a finger on his lip. "Let's see. How's about 'If you go on a date with me, I'll let you stroke my night stick.' How's about that?"

Will: "That's even lamer."

Norrington: **_looking at Drew exasperated_** "Will you please put a stop to this insanity?"

:Buzz:

Norrington: **_wearing a knight's armor with the helmet pulled back_** "If you're searching for someone to save you from your everyday clichéd heroes _**glares at Will and Jack** _then look no further. Your knight in shining armor is waiting for you right here."

Will: **_retching noise_**

Jack_: **searching on his person** _"Why the hell did I wast that one shot on Barbossa. I should have saved it. And where the hell is my gun!"

Drew: **_coughcough_**

Will: **_wearing a cowboy hat_** "How would you ladies like to ride my mustang all around Port Royal. If you're good, I'll let you visit my smithy, and maybe even let you caress my ass."

Drew nearly falls off his chair, laughing hysterically. Both Jack and Ryan stare at Will's posterior, but Ryan averts his eyes after a glare from Jack.

:Buzz:Buzz:Buzzzzzz:Buzzzzz:

All four of the contestants walk back to their seats.

Drew: "That will be a thousand points for Mr. Turner for his comment about his ass."

Will gets up and does a little bow.

Drew: "And ten thousand points for Ryan for not proving to us that he in fact isn't naturally white-haired."

Ryan: "Hey, I do what I can."

Drew: "All right folks, we are going to take another short break. We'll be right back with more fun and games, so don't go away too far."

TBC.

Author' notes: Please tell me what you think. Comments and Criticism welcomed. Coming up next, is "Film, TV and Theater Style". I have the outline written out, so it should be updated in the next few days. Bye for now


	4. Film, TV and Theater Style

Oh God! Don't kill me. I have no idea what happened, but I'm back with a vengeance, hehehehe _nervous laughter_ go on, read and tell me how much it sucks

Warnings: Language, as usual and really lame parodies coming up ahead, you have been warned --;;;;

* * *

Whose line is it anyway?

**Film, TV and Theater Style.**

**Drew Carey:** "And after an exhaustingly long break (glares off screen), ladies and gentlemen, we're back."

The contestants are fast asleep. Jack is snoring while his head is resting on the head rest, and Norrington is sucking his thumb.

**Drew Carey:** "Can someone please get these people some coffee." _Looks at the guys out like a rock_. "Umm, make that, shots of double espressos."

After being revived from the land of the dead, the contestants rub their eyes and sit up straight.

**Jack:** "Oh, so the stupid author decided to get off her lazy arse and do some more writing did she?"

The wall, right at the side of Jack's head, is suddenly littered with poisoned darts.

**Jack:** "Eh eh eh, calm down, lass. It wasn't only me who was complainin'. All the rest of 'em were saying so too."

A tiny gun blast goes off right at Norrington's side, who proceeded to jump and squeal like a little girl, and a sword swishes right by Will's side.

**Norrington:** "Did anyone happen to notice that nothing happened with Mr. Stiles?"

**Ryan:** _Smug smile_.

**Drew:** "All right gentlemen, before there's actual bloodshed, lets move on to our next game. It's called film, theater and t.v. style."

Will, Jack and Ryan get up off their seats and go in the middle of the stage.

**Drew:** "Now, what I need from the audience is suggestions of movies and t.v. titles they would like to see performed."

The whole audience erupts into loud chatter. Drew takes out his pen to jot down.

**Drew:** "Hmm, o.k. lets see, Pirates of the Caribbean, Phantom of the Opera, Monk, Lord of the Rings, Simpsons, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Spongebob."

Drew looks down at his paper.

**Drew:** "Spongebob? Oh well, if that's what the audience wants."

Ryan, Will and Jack visibly cringe.

**Drew:** "O.K. the scene is, Jack is trying to negotiate the whereabouts of Will with Barbossa, played by Ryan, while Elizabeth, played by Will, keeps interrupting them with her own remarks."

**Will:** _Incredulous_. "I have to play Elizabeth."

**Jack:** _Chuckling_. "Hey, better you than me, mate."

**Drew:** "We will start out with a regular Pirates of the Caribbean setting, and then I'll buzz in with the changes. All right, go on ahead."

**Jack:**_ getting into his character._ "So, it's like this Barbossa, you want to know where a certain Turner is and I know their whereabouts. You don't even know whether that Turner is a girl or a boy."

**Ryan:** "Grrr….Arrgghh. You tell me where this accursed Turner is now, before I throw you in the Davey Jones' Locker."

**Will:** _in a high voice._ "Don't you dare Jack Sparrow. I love Will Turner with all my heart. You know Will Turner, who works in Mr. Brown's Smithy in Port Royal. You know the guy about yay high _puts his hand in the air a little above his head_, rather dashing and strapping young fellow."

**Ryan:** "So, it's Will Turner is it? Men! Set a course for Port Royal, we're going blacksmith hunting."

**Jack:** _rubbing his temples in circular motions._ "Stupid stupid girl. She just had to live up to her stupid natural blondeness."

**Will:** _staring off into space pretending to brush long hair._

:Buzz:

**Drew:** "Phantom of the Opera"

**Jack:** _pulling his bandana down so it covers his right eye and cheek._ Sings to the tune of wandering child.

"Wandering Pirate, so lost so bony

Why do you go on this voyage?

Heeee is not innnn Port Royal

I already killed him."

Random audience girl melts away in a big gooey puddle at the beautiful tenor of Jack's deep voice.

**Will:** sings to the tune of Angel of Music.

"Angel of Music, please help me

I want to save my Willy.

Eeeevilll Pirate, go to hell

My hair is not used to sun."

**Ryan:** sings to the tune of Music of the Night.

"I don't believe you, I know you are lying

Turner is alive, otherwise you'll by dying

Bring this ship ashore

I will find him, I'm so sure

Of my powers that I know, you cannot fight.

The powers of the pirate of the night!"

**Drew:**_ Laughing his head off._

:Buzz:

**Drew:** "The Simpsons."

**Ryan:** "Why you little…_choking Jack_ You will tell me where he is right now, or I will continue to choke you."

**Jack:** "Ack…..oohh….ack"

**Will:** _nagging Marge-like voice_. "Oh let go of him Barbossa, he doesn't know anything. _pushes him off Jack, Ryan pretends to fly backwards and hits his head on the podium_.

**Ryan:** "D'oh!"

:Buzz:

**Drew:** "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."

**Will:** _chewing gum._ "Mr. Barbossa, if you promise me that you wouldn't harm Will, and supply me with a year's supply of gum, I'll tell you where he is at the moment."

**Ryan:** "Young lady, chewing gum is a very nasty habit. Here, chew this tobacco instead." _Pretends to throw a box at Will._

**Jack:** "I may not know where Turner is, but I definitely know that he is not here in this liqueur flavored chocolate river. Uhh…..excuse me a moment." _Pretends to take a dive_ "Mmm, Liqueur flavored chocolate river…….aarrgghuhhuhh _drooling noises_. Oh wait, we already did Simpsons, didn't we?"

:Buzz: "Sponge Bob"

**Will:** _Wide opened eyes_. "Hey you guys, look. I think we have already reached Port Royal Bottom. I don't think Will is going to be there. He's sooooo smart, he probably ran away. Hehehehehe _Spongebob-like laughter. Audience shove fingers in their ears. One girl falls on the floor and starts twitching horribly_

**Drew:** _Hands on ears._ "Will, please, stop the laughter. Our audience members are going into epileptic seizures."

Will stops the insane laughter. Audience heave a sigh of relief.

**Jack:** _Drops his shoulder, and talks in a bored voice._ "Mr. Barbossa, don't listen to Sponge-Elizabeth. When is she ever right?"

**Ryan:** "Don't talk that way boy. I can smell a Turner from miles away. Just like I can smell me money. We're gonna nab ourselves a Turner. We'll skin him, process him and put him in a Barbossa Patty. That should bring us some more money. Yeah, money money money money. Ahhhahahahahahaaa."

:Buzz: "Lord of the Rings"

**Ryan**: _Pretends to bang his staff on the ground._ "Bring me the Turner. He has something valuable that belongs to me."

**Will:** _To Jack._ "Well, Strider-Jack, what shall we do? We don't know where the 'one' man went to."

**Jack:** _Gruff voice._ "Well, we'll just have to make our ways into the wilds of Port Royal, and kill everything that isn't below my knee-level, or androgynously beautiful, like certain long-blonde haired elves. _Looks at Will._"

Will blushes furiously.

**Ryan:** "I must find him. My precious, my precious."

:Buzz: "Monk"

**Ryan:** _Stands still with one hand in the air in front of him and the other hand on the side._ "Hmm. Yes, I see. Turner was here last evening but he has left and hasn't returned yet."

**Jack:** "How do you know he was here last night?"

**Ryan:** "Well you see, that hammer is placed in its proper place on the wall, but notice the dark smudge at the bottom. That means that he was beating his sword with that hammer all last night."

Jack and Drew laugh hysterically. Norrington groans and rubs his hands over his face. Will blushes.

**Will:** "Well of course he was making swords last night. He is an excellent sword-smith and is very good with his hands."

**Jack:** "Yeah…..suppressed laughter…….I'll just bet he is."

This time Ryan, Jack and Drew brake down into helpless giggles.

**Will:** _Shaking his head_. "I walked right into that one, didn't I?"

:Buzz:

**Drew:** "All right everyone, that was amazing. 2,000 points are awarded to Mr. Will Turner, for an excellent portrayal of our dear Ms. Swan."

Will gets up and does a little bow.

**Drew:** "Great game everyone. We have more fun and games in store for you, so please don't change the channel, or click on the back button. We'll be right back."

TBC.

* * *

All right folks, it's that time again. It's time for the author to beg and plead for the reviews, so please have mercy. We have two more chapters left, next chapter has been written already, which is "Party Quirks" and the last chapter is called "Weird Newscaster", which is only half way done.

All right all you beautiful people, please drop a line. Oh, and one more thing, if you are not an author and your are leaving a review, please please please include your e-mail address, because I like to thank everyone individually for their kind words Until next time, bye bye.


	5. Party Quirks

Standard disclaimer.

All I want to say is, I love you guys so so so so …….much.

* * *

Party Quirks 

**Drew:** "All right ladies and gentlemen, we're back. And that break was not short at all." _looks around with shifty eyes _"We will now move on to a game called 'Party Quirks'".

Will gets up and goes into the middle of the stage. Jack, Ryan and Norrington are reading their cue cards.

**Drew:** "Will is going to be hosting a party, where he will receive some weird guests. As I ring in the doorbell, James, Jack and Ryan will come in and act their part, and Will has to guess who they are."

The three other contestants go on the opposite side of the stage, from Drew, and get in line.

**Drew:** "Whenever you're ready, Will."

Will starts the party.

**Will:** _walking around arranging things _"Hmm. Everything seems to be in order. We have all the party food we need and a section here just for Jack.." _pretends to move bottles around_. All the rum even he could possibly have."

**Jack:** _aside to Ryan_ "A lad after me own heart."

**Ryan:** _snickers helplessly_

**James:** _shakes his head disgustingly _"Anyway." _Rings the doorbell_.

:Ding Dong:

**Will:** "Ah, this must be them now." _Opens the door_. "Welcome Commodore to my humble abode."

James' cue card: Thinks Will is trying to steal away Elizabeth and keeps asking him for a duel. (can you tell the stupid author is running out of ideas-- )

**James:** " 'Humble Abode' you say, Sir. How dare you insinuate that Elizabeth will like this hovel better then my estate? I say En Garde!" _Pretends to draw his sword. _

**Will:** _stares at him_.

:Ding Dong:

**Will:** "O.K. you stay right there while I see who it is." _Goes to open the door_.

**James:** "Hurry up, you cad! I will not be left unsatisfied."

_Will lets Jack in_.

**Will:** "Hey there Jack. I'm glad you could make it."

Jack's cue card: Thinks Will is hiding gold coins on himself, and keeps trying to steal it.

Audience goes wild with laughter, Will is uneasy.

**Jack:** "Will my Boy, there ye be." _hugs Will, and pats him down the sides. The slash-crazy fan girls go wild_.

**Will:** _nervously backs away_. "A little too friendly there Jack."

**James:** "I will fight you in the name of all that is honor and love." _Slashes with his sword._

**Jack:** _pretends to open a bottle and takes a drink_. "Will. Great party." _Moves closer to him_. "Better than what we had in Tortuga." _Pats him down the front of his shirt and mutters_. "Damn. I know I saw a flash of gold there."

:Ding Dong:

**Will:** "Ooooo kay. I am going to go and get that. Why don't you stay here with the good Commodore who is trying to get me to duel with him."

:Buzz:

Audience clap and Norrington walks back to his seat.

Will opens the door and Ryan is standing with a slightly scrunched up expression on his face.

Ryan's cue card: He is Veruca Salt who thinks she is actually in the chocolate factory.

**Will:** "Welcome Ryan."

**Ryan:** _stomps inside_. "You call this a party. Where is the chocolate? I want my chocolate!"

Jack, meanwhile, is sneaking up behind Will who is staring wide-eyed at Ryan. He grabs him around the middle and Will jumps a foot in the air.

**Jack:** "Ah hah, there it is." _Takes his hands out of Will's breast pocket, which is empty_. "Ah hah, there it isn't."

**Will:** "Ryan. Meet my good friend Jack. He keeps trying to pat me down to find the treasure that he thinks I'm hiding on me."

Jack raises his eyebrows and nods.

**Drew:** "Yes treasure, but be more specific."

**Will:** "Umm. Smaller treasure. Oh gold coins."

:Buzz:

Jack walks back to his seat.

**Ryan:** _stomps feet_. "Gold coins! I don't care. But if they're chocolate gold coins than I'm listening."

**Will:** "Umm. You are someone who thinks they are in Wonka's chocolate factory?"

**Jack:** "That's 'Willy' Wonka, luv'."

Will turns around and glares at him. Jack winks and smiles.

**Drew:** "Someone, as in who?"

Will looks at Ryan speculatively.

**Ryan:** "I don't like this house, or this party. I am going to make my Daddy buy this house, just so I could burn it down."

**Will:** "Oh, you're Veruca Salt."

:Buzz:

Will and Ryan walk back to their seats.

**Will:** "Nice touch there with the burning the house down."

**Ryan:** "I thought I may as well bring a little bit of my own flare to it."

**Drew:** "Great game you guys. And by unanimous vote, Jack wins 10,000 points for patting Will down, and satisfying our slash-crazy girls."

Jack gets up and does a little bow. Loud girlish screams fill the air.

**Drew:** "O.K next we were going to do a little hoe-down. But I have been duly informed that the author does not have a single poetic bone in her body. So, when we return, we'll move on to another game. Until then, don't go away."

TBC.

**AN:** I know it was short. But I guess it's time to bring this puppy home. Click on the review button, and let me know what you thought, then go on to the final chapter, and tell me how you like it. You guys have been super awesome, I love you all


	6. Weird Newscasters

Standard disclaimer applies.

* * *

Weird Newscasters.

**Drew:** "Surprise surprise. We're back so soon. Guess the author isn't as dead-beat as we had all assumed.

A loud swish is heard and a burning arrow slams into the podium.

**Drew:** "Umm. Security"

Two burly guys come out, take the arrow while looking around carefully, and back out again.

**Jack:** "Told you, you shouldn't mess with'er mate. She is one crazy lass."

**Drew:** "All right folks, we'll move on to the final game for tonight called 'Weird Newscasters'. We'll have James and Will as anchors. James as himself and Will, who thinks James is hiding a sword on him and tries to figure out where it is."

Will and James get up and walk over to the stools placed in the middle of the stage.

**Drew:** "Jack will be doing the sports, while trying to run away from a cannibalistic Amazonian tribe, who are trying to trap him. And Ryan is doing weather report, and he thinks his wife is cheating on him with someone from the news-team, and he's trying to figure out who it is.

"All right everyone, get in position and let's get started."

The music from the start of the news is heard.

**James:** "Welcome back everyone. We have breaking news from Germany. The scientists who were researching and trying to find an answer to the age-old question, 'How much wood would a wood-chuck chuck, if a wood-chuck could chuck wood?' And after spending millions of dollars in their escapade, their data is still inconclusive. The German scientists have asked for another 10 million dollars grant and a period of five years to continue the research. And now, over to my co-anchor, Will?"

He turns toward Will who is looking at him suspiciously up and down.

**Will:** "Yeah, great report James. _Bends and looks under James' chair_. Wasn't it interesting that they asked for another ten million dollars and five more swords, I mean years."

**James:** _Laughs_. "You seem a bit up-tight Will, is everything o.k.?" _pats down his pocket_.

**Will:** "Ah hah! I knew it. You are hiding a sword and you plan to kill me because I won the best reporter award and you want me out of the way."

**James:** "Settle down Will, you're delusional. We will now move on to sports with Jack Sparrow. _Turns in his chair_. Jack?"

**Jack:** "Yes. Sports. The entertainment of all things testosterone. Sports is a very manly thing and should only be broadcasted by manly men."

He is seen standing with one raised hip and a hand resting on it, while his other hand is fluttering in front of his face. Will and Norrington slap their foreheads. Jack notices his posture and straightens up.

**Jack:** "Ah, hehehe. _Clears throat_. As I was saying, today, all our mates in the sports business did really well. There was an intense match that broke out in an inn in Tortuga. The two participating teams, which were made up of drunken pirates and drunken hobos, did their best to win the match. Although there was a lot of ruckus that went on, including kicking, biting and bitch-slapping, but in the end, the match ended with a draw. As soon as both teams revive from their injuries and/or drunken stupor, the match shall continue.

"In other news, there was a small soccer match that took place today in Port Royal. The first team was made up of James Norrington and his officers, and their opponents were ten-year old little girls. Suffice it to say, Norrington's team lost horribly."

Jack turns and looks to the side.

"Oh no, they've found me. Well anyway, _pretends to take an arrow out and shoot at the audience_, Yes! Got one. The whole soccer match was very intense, _shoots another arrow and ducks and rolls on the floor_, the little girls were showing the big bad navy guys no mercy." _Pretends to take the pistol and shoots near Drew's desk_.

"Oh no you don't. You won't be having any Sparrow for dinner tonight. Although if you want a Swan, that can be arranged. How would you like it, baked, stir-fried or barbequed?"

He is seen shifting from foot to foot.

"Well, it would seem that we don't speak on the same level. _Looks to the camera_. Well fellas, allow me to give you a play by play of the whole match."

He starts moving around in circles as if running and avoiding people. He is pretending to use his sword and shooting with his pistol. He exits from the side of the stage, and loud war-cries are heard coming from back-stage. He then walks back in, and is pretending to hold a large piece of meat.

**Jack:** "Hn. They thought they could've had me for dinner. I sure showed them. _Looks to James and Will_. Would you chaps care for some exotic delicacy? Tastes just like chicken." _He takes a huge bite_.

James and Will are staring wide-eyed at Jack and at his antics. They clear their throats loudly and turn towards the camera.

**Will:** "Thank you Jack for that very interesting report."

**James:** "Yes. And please stay the hell away from me, you mad mad man."

He shifts his chair away a few inches. Jack wriggles his eyebrows up and down and takes another bite.

**Will:** "Well now over to the weather with our weatherman Ryan. _He turns towards Ryan_. How's the weather today Ryan?"

**Ryan:** "I'm glad you asked me that Will. You see ladies and gentlemen, after a whole week of incredibly cold temperatures and wind chills, a warm front is finally moving down south to heat things up."

He is pointing with a stick towards the lower half of the weather map.

"But of course, there is always a cold front when you're referring to my down south."

He points to his crotch and then looks at the anchors.

"I have wondered why that is."

He appears menacing still pointing towards the map.

"It seems that someone has been looking at my hills (holds hands up in front of his chest as if indicating breasts) and valleys (moves his hands down his sides), when I haven't been around."

Drew is laughing so hard he nearly falls off his chair. Jack is doubled over with laughter, and is clutching his stomach.

**Will:** "That's very interesting observation Ryan. Maybe my co-anchor here has more than a few swords up his sleeves."

Will narrows his eyes and lifts up James' sleeves and peers inside. James smiles widely and snatches his arm back.

**James:** "Well, go on Mr. Stiles. Any chance that cold front will be moving out soon, or what?"

**Ryan:** "Oh yeah. Because you see up north _points at his head _there's a hurricane forming. Let's just call it hurricane Ryan. And when it strikes, no one will be safe. Mark my words, this hurricane will knock everyone and everything down as soon as it figures out who has been messing around with its tornado."

**James:** "And there you have it folks."

Ryan is seen sneaking up behind James. He looks over his shoulders, grabs his collar and looks closely at it. James is ignoring him.

**James:** "Please join us next time when we bring you more breaking news and other news that we have put back together."

**Ryan:** "Ah hah! I see a red lipstick type marking on your shirt. That's it buddy, you're going down!"

He pretends to take a sword from his side.

**Will:** "Gasp. It's was you!"

He gets off of his seat and points at him while backing away. Jack sneaks up behind Will, and grabs him around the middle.

**Jack:** "That's it little Willie, come to Jack. I'll protect you from the big baddie."

Will screams in a high pitch voice.

**Will:** "You are all nuts. Someone get me out of here, they're all after me!"

:Buzz:

All the chaos stops and they all return to their seats.

**Drew:** "That was a really good game you guys. And I guess I'll award 10 points to Mr. Norrington for finally being a little funny at this point of the show."

James looks sour and mutters under his breath.

**Drew:** "All right folks, since we have come to the ending of the show, it should be obvious who the winner, or should I say winners are. By unanimous vote, both Jack and Ryan are tonight's winners."

Jack and Ryan get up off their seats and bow to the audience. They then walk towards each other and share a small hug, while congratulating each other.

**Jack:** "Good show, mate. And good game."

**Ryan:** "Likewise bro, likewise."

The audience laugh and clap softly. Jack and Ryan go back to their seats.

**Drew:** "Well ladies and gentlemen, we had a lot of fun. We laughed. We cried. And some of us have become scarred for life. Please join us again soon, when we bring you a lot more fun and games. Until then, take care and good night."

He grabs his coffee mug and gets out of the podium. Loud ending music starts to play, and all the contestants are standing around talking amongst themselves.

The End.

* * *

**AN:** Well? What did you guys thought? Should I continue on and do more comedic fics, or just stay away from that genre? I would love some feed back from you guys. You have been totally awesome. I love each and everyone of you, who have taken their time to not only read, but to leave a few words. Thank you from the bottom of my little heart 


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